Why, God???

My career as a trauma counselor is hard; it is heartbreaking, and frustrating at times, and many of the stories I hear are utterly shocking. I leave many sessions asking God “Why?” “Why do these things have to happen to good people? These are YOUR children, God! Why?” “Why did you call me to this career?” “Why did you give me a heart that would crack a little more with each new story I hear?” And yet, each night I am healed as I hand over the broken hearts of my clients to Him, knowing He has way more ability to carry them than I do. He heals my heart daily so that I can keep going, keep being an open conduit through which He works. And with each new day, I am so grateful that I get to do this work. I love that Jesus shows up continuously in my office, and I love watching Him work, being a part of His healing process. And yet, it is hard work.

I realize this story isn’t everyone’s story. Not everyone loves their work, not everyone gets to watch God work in the same ways I do, day in and day out. It wasn’t always my story either. But this part is now very clear to me - we all have the chance to see Him in action, but we don’t all know how to see Him, or how to interpret what He is doing around us. How do we get to the place where trust in the Lord becomes strong, where our faith that there is hope, even through our worst trials, becomes authentic and palatable? This comes through experiencing God, understanding the bigger picture, knowing that there is not a single groan or wail that God doesn’t hear and carry with us.

I asked those “Why” questions as a 15-year-old child learning I was pregnant with the baby by a man more than 5 years my senior. They now get answered in the connections I make with young teens in my office, or the adults who come to me with major childhood trauma, and I get it. I asked the “Why” question when I was being cheated on by a man who professed to love me, and they now gets answered as I work with couples in affair recovery, and as I help heal the hearts of spouses who have been abandoned for another lover. So many of my “Why” questions have gotten answered in much later stages of life as I am able to look back to see the bigger picture. And I’m not alone in that. Scripture confirms my understanding that the bigger picture is far more important than the current situation, time and time again.

In Psalm 56:8, King David, as he cried out to God when the Philistines seized him in Gath, tells God, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (NLT) Can’t you just hear the “Why, God?” in his plea? I can almost hear David’s voice, “They are trampling me, God! They are overwhelming me, God! I’m trusting you, but it’s bad, God! Why?” And yet, in this, I also hear that our God is so tender and so merciful to keep each salty teardrop we shed in a bottle, just patiently waiting for the right time to redeem them, and that is precious. He is near enough to capture our tears, even when we can’t see Him in the moment. And David’s tears were not shed in vain…he was the greatest King to ever have lived. He got the title of “The man after God’s own heart.” Our Lord and Savior came directly from his lineage. His tears mattered to God. And so do yours.

But here is an even better example – remember Jesus on the cross? Matthew 27:46 recounts Jesus, just moments before he takes his last breath on the cross, calling out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (ESV) As I imagine that in my mind, Jesus, in his flesh, was heartbroken, afraid, in pain, and hurting, crying out the very same question so many of us have – “Why, Father, did you turn your back on me?” And I can only imagine the pain God was feeling for His Son in that moment, but still knowing it had to be done because of the bigger picture. In very simplified terms, I think of it like when I, as a parent, had to hold my child down to get a shot, or for the doctors to clean out a wound. As my child screams and cries, I just want to make the doctors stop hurting my baby; yet I know the importance of what is happening, so I just have to help my child endure it. That is what God does with us.

I don’t know all the answers to the “Why” questions, but I do know that God knows them. And He is so clear in Scripture that He will not waste our tears. I love Psalm 126:5, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” (ESV) The commentary in the ESV study Bible says it best, “Our tears can be seeds that will grow into a harvest of joy because God is able to bring good out of tragedy. When burdened by sorrow, know that your times of grief will end and that you will again find joy. We must be patient as we wait. God’s great harvest of joy is coming!”

I’m curious – are you in a place to be able to see the bigger picture yet?

What have you noticed?

How has God redeemed your tears?

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment or message me. Let’s connect.