Open the Door

Unlike many Christians, I was not raised in the church. My church experience as a little girl amounted to an occasional Sunday spent with my grandmother in a tiny, old Lutheran church, where Pastor Schaller spent his time reading straight from KJV, with no application. There were no other kids in this church, but because of that, I enjoyed being doted on by a lot of adorable, wrinkly, gray-haired people who wanted to adopt me as their grandchild. I have many beautiful memories of these sweet people who just wanted to love on me, and I, in turn, felt so special, and so valued as I helped set up the potlucks, and carry the empty pans to their cars.

And I did learn a little about this guy named Jesus from them after church. They were determined to decipher the sermon in ways that I could understand, but it all seemed so fantastical and mystical, and just not real. I remember “Grandma Edith” told me how Jesus was my invisible friend and had superpowers to do crazy things to bad guys, and crazier things to help us when we were in trouble. And “Grandma Mabel” would tell me that Jesus would protect me and tell me when I was doing something wrong and would show me how to do things right. And “Grandpa Joe” told me that when I was being a bad kid, Jesus would forgive me no matter what. I remember thinking, “Wow!!! This guy sounds amazing! I want a superhero friend like that,” but then I realized that there were no such thing as invisible friends. I got bold one day in all my confusion and decided I was not going to be the gullible kid they thought I was. I told all these beautiful grandmas and grandpas that, “I outgrew the idea of invisible friends like 3 years ago!” They just laughed and hugged me and told me that one day I would understand.

My churchgoing days ended when I was about ten years old, and my grandmother could no longer drive that far to church. I was sad, and missed all the friends I had there, but slowly the sadness faded, and I filled my days with other things. That message, though, about the invisible friend stuck in my brain and I would think about Him sometimes – usually when I was “being a bad kid,” and needed forgiveness. I remember hearing all of the “Thou shalt,” and the “doeths” and “don’teths” and I thought that for this superhero to come around, I would need to make some big changes that I just wasn’t ready to make. I knew I had to be “good,” and “good” didn’t always sound like much fun.

Fast-forwarding through some very tumultuous times in my life as a teenager to adult, I sat there in the mess of being a teen mom, two divorces, being a single parent of three children, and still refusing to fully acknowledge our Lord, except in the times of crisis. The memories of my childhood church experience would lead me to talk to Jesus in those times, but He never seemed to talk back. I searched for an audible, “Do this,” or a lit-up billboard sign saying, “Go there.” Nothing. Eventually, by some miracle, I would get through whatever crisis was in front of me at the time, only to move on to the next disaster.

As I reflect on this season of my life, Revelation 3:20 repeats itself in my head. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.” Was God knocking all along and I just couldn’t hear him? What was he trying to say to me during those most tumultuous years in my life? How can I be more in tune to the rap of his knuckles, to the softness of his voice? Oh, Lord, did I mess this up entirely?

I am reminded of being a young momma, trying desperately to get my children's attention, repeating their names over and over again, eventually getting louder and firmer in my tone, and still they just ignored me. Finally, I would lay out a consequence that snapped their attention back to me. It was so frustrating as a mom to be continually dismissed, and yet there I was for years doing the very same thing to our Father. And I was not alone! Scripture is full of stories where, for hundreds of years God's people ignore Him. They ran to other mommies and daddies, worshipping other gods, they turned their backs when He spoke to them, they grumbled even as they witnessed miracles being performed right before their eyes, they intentionally and deliberately disobeyed his rules. Sometimes we all do that, even intentionally and deliberately. And yet there Jesus stands, knocking at our doors, calling our names, just waiting for the opportunity to walk in.

Jesus is very clear that he wants relationship with us even in the middle of our mess. He's not asking for us to be perfect, or even close, in fact he calls loudest to us when we're in the middle of our mess. He is not afraid of our mess, and in His infinite wisdom, He knows that in our affliction is when we need him the most. Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” He does not run from our mess, but calls us to Him right smack in the middle of it.

One of my favorite Pastors is Andy Stanley from North Point Community Church. Andy wrote a bible study called Starting Point, and in one of his videos, he gave an illustration that stuck in my mind. He talked about being in another room in his home having a conversation with the friend, and suddenly he heard this loud crash coming from his kitchen. The crashing noise continued to last; he heard glass breaking and loud banging noises that seemed to go on for far too long for it to just be a dropped dish. When he went into the kitchen to investigate, he saw his daughter standing barefooted in the middle of a huge pile of broken glass, an entire cabinet having emptied itself at her feet. And there she stood frozen, unable to move. He made the comment that as parents, we don't just look at our children in the middle of their mess and say “well, you got yourself into this mess, figure it out,” and walk away. He talked about tiptoeing into the mess, loading his precious daughter up onto his back and delivering her safely to another room, and then proceeding to help clean up the mess.

That's exactly what our Lord does for us. It is exactly what Jesus said when he called us to Him in our weariness and burdened life. “Let Me help you!”

Are you answering His knock?