Do you see me?

If you are anything like me, I would imagine there are many times when you have felt unseen, invisible, dismissed, insignificant. Of course, there are those times when we are out walking alone, or the occasional gift of going shopping in peace, or in a crowd of people where we realize that we are not the center of attention, or best of all, hiding in a bathroom with the door locked and headphones on to drown out the sound of the tiny creatures screaming and running through our homes. These are the times where being unseen is preferred. We all have those times too.

But, that is not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the times when you are all dressed up, hair and make-up on, looking forward to a nice, romantic night on the town with your significant other, and the response you get is, “C’mon, let’s go. I’m tired and don’t want to be out late.” I’m talking about the time when you just heard devastating news and are quietly crying, needing comfort, when that friend walks in and sees you, and then turns to walk away “to give you privacy.” What about that time when you are desperately afraid that you may lose your job, and those closest to you tell you, “don’t worry about it,” and then move on to tell you about their recent promotion. Even those little things, like when you are carrying your baby in one arm, and the mountains of “stuff” that comes with babies in the other, and the person walking in the building before you allows the door to slam back on you. “Ummmm…hello?” Being seen in a big deal. For all of us.

There is the other side of that. Do you see others? I want to start out here with a little vulnerability. (There will be a lot of that in this blog, because it is in my mistakes and missteps that I have learned the love and grace of God – the very thing I want to share with you.)

One morning many years ago I stopped by a Circle K in a not-so-great part of town. I was at lunch from work, running a quick errand and stopped to grab a drink. Of course, I was still deep in thought about whatever was going on that day at work, who I needed to talk to, what my afternoon was going to look like. I went into the store, and honestly couldn’t tell you a single thing about my surroundings – I have no idea whether the store was crowded or empty, whether it was clean or dirty, whether the cashier was a male or female. I was so into my own head. As I walked out of the store, I heard a man next to me say, “Excuse me ma’am.” My thoughts went immediately to, “he’s wanting something from me, and I just don’t have the time to even listen,” so I said, “I don’t have anything to give you.” I was not in a space to want to be seen, or to see anyone else.

Much to my horror, he said to me ever so gently, “Ma’am, would you look at me? Do I look homeless or needy to you? I simply wanted to tell you that you are a very beautiful woman and sometimes it is just nice to hear that from a stranger. You have a great rest of your day.” What in the world was that???? Those words ring so clearly in my head still to this day. There was nothing sinister, or “cat-callish” about his tone or words, just a nice compliment. I stopped in my tracks, my heart sunk, and I wanted to cry…that man simply loved, he exuded Jesus, he saw me, even when I wasn’t looking to be seen. I stood, my mouth dropped open, probably to about my ankles, and I watched this everyday worker, dirty from his day of hard labor, climb into his truck full of tools and a ladder, and drive away without another word, without another glance. Then the realization of my words to him hit me…I had just completely insulted this man, and he responded with love and with a compliment, simply wanting me to know that I was seen. Wow, do I have a lot to learn from this carpenter who emulated Jesus so clearly; this man I will never see again.

God sees us as well, even when we don’t realize He’s watching. He doesn’t just see the outward beautiful hair and makeup, or the dirty clothes after a hard day of work exterior. He sees the broken, distracted, frustrated, consumed interior, and He responds to that.

One of the Scriptures I cling to in my moments of feeling unseen is 1 Samuel 16:7. In this passage, God is asking Samuel to anoint the next king. As Samuel follows God’s instructions on where to go to find him, he continuously asks God to consider the tall, strong, handsome men he encounters, but God tells him, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

What do you suppose the Lord sees when he looks on your heart? That day, in the Circle K, I think the Lord saw in me a heart far from loving, a heart distracted and unable to respond to others, a hardened heart. And yet, He, ever so gently, brought me to a place of noticing. See, while what I deserved in that moment was more like a 2 x 4 upside my head, our God, in His infinite wisdom, kindness, and loving grace opened my eyes to a couple of things at once. He showed me that I really was not as “unseen” as I felt, or even wanted to be; that even while I was distracted and in my own world, others were still around, noticing me, noticing my response and my actions. And He openly displayed that what I was showing those who were paying attention was not what I, if I had been in a different space, would have wanted to show them.

But what was really in my heart in that moment? God knew that it was time for me to begin to see, and in that, he would show me what it felt like to be seen.

Consider:

Are there areas in your life that you wish others would see?

Are there those in your life that want you to see them?

What does God see when He looks on your heart?